people come and go.

swinging and swaying and never staying in one place for too long.

they forget what they like.

but always come back to be reminded.

My Beatiful One

she is mine.my beautiful one.
an aura of angelic prisms.
the sun sets on her command.
and rises only when she wills it so.
how can something so beautiful.
be disdained.
without any fear for consequence.
without any desire for communion.
i could not live.
i could not breath.
oh my beautiful one.
may she never feel malaise.
my beautiful girl.
who can turn my emotional labyrinth.
into blissful harmony.
my beautiful child.
who can set a room aglow.
with her tender smile.
she is mine.
my beautiful one.

*dedicated to my baby girl kaleigh. may the sun always shine on you. and may you always know just how much you are loved.*

Never Again

images cut to the core of me
as they play like a morbid slideshow

i know i will never have
what i thought i should

i cry for the loss of my unborn child
and the unknown futures of my living

can i be what i need to be
or will i falter and fail

i have an unyielding love
that can not be broken by trials

yet still i feel eternally helpless
in the vast emptiness of my strength

my soul is weeping
as i cry out for guidance

so much hurt covered up and pushed down
until it is almost forgotten

but when i am at my lowest
the vivid cries return to haunt me

i want so much for complete happiness
although i am scared to wish

for the last time i wished
i ended up in that painful existence

and i don't want to go there again
never. never ever. again.

11.02.2006

the push, pull and fall

you push and i move backwards.
i push and you pull away.
we dance around in circles.
i never show the true emotion behind my words.
on the logical side; the side of reason.
i can see how this can go wrong.
but when i am in your arms.
nothing has ever felt more right.
so i ask myself.
where do i go from here.
do i try and take what i want.
do i wait for it to be completely right.
or do i just give up all together.
and after the realization.
comes the fall.
wherever it lands me.
i will accept it.
and i will try not to think back.
on what could have been.
or should have been.
it will just be.
what it is meant to be.
so maybe i should.
just bow out gracefully.

when i say i miss you.

your face haunts my dreams
being awake makes no difference
in the presence of your absence
i feel an ache i can't comfort
cycles of passion bleed
through crumpled sheets
i feel your breath on my cheek
surreal visions of your smile
your laugh is a tune i can't forgot
your happiness is all i really want
when i say i miss you
what i mean is
my heart aches

11.18.2006

Fluttering...

you are born a wee little babe. not a care in the world. you see life in vibrant colors. beautiful and whimsical.

then life happens, and one day you find yourself numb. the hurt you have endured has been so great, so life altering...you completely shut yourself off from feeling anything. or...at least you try to.

you can live your whole life feeling numb. call it a defense mechanism. you can be hurt so much and so deeply, that the pain and emptiness consumes your soul. in that state of mind, it is better to be alone than to offer up even the slighest glimmer of hope, only to be dissappointed once again.

then one day, totally unexpected or anticipated...butterflies.

so life without pain is good. life without hurt, even better...right?

but when should you say "uncle" and give in. how long do you keep up the sharade of pretending that you don't care? how long should you let the past determine your future? is it really worth it?

sure, you have no chance of being hurt that way. but is being hollow better? is taking the chance of feeling the pain better than hiding behind the fear?

how do you know when to listen to the butterflies?

5.9.2007

tiptoeing on glass stilts

Tiptoeing on glass stilts
I blaze through this life

Creeping into blissful thoughts
of the raging insanity within

You are my drug of choice
and the manic to my depression

The trackmarks of my addiction
jagged, pointy and flowing

Screaming under water
as my lungs gracefully bow out

A solemn goodbye to commemorate
a beautifully cryptic existence

Glowing embers of red and gold
this blood stained haze is my shrowd

My soul burns with each breath drawn
as my heart bleeds itself dry

Tiptoeing on glass stilts
I blaze through this life