my own personal rain cloud

i am miserable in my own skin.

i do not know how to stop it.
the tapping. constant tapping.
my brain telling me to let go.
yet still i hold on.

what i am i holding on to?
this festering inside me.
that i am powerless to stop.
i used to be so happy.
but i lost my joy somewhere.
scattered along the way.

so i wait like a young school child.
for their best friend to come and play.
i have loved and lost.
yet still i push on.
towards the unknown.

and it is terrifying.

i want to feel human.
to run and play in the flowers.
to cry happy tears.

when i finally release this feeling
i will bid it farewell.
and watch it fade away.
like a snail drenched in salt.
and i will never look back.

but for now i listen.
to the static-filled voice.
of the commentator for my brain.

"this is the first day of the rest of your life,
and it looks like it's gonna rain."